Steph.Addiction

Posted Saturday, March 07, 2009 // 5 comments (+)

Me and my friends were asking each other how many ex(s) we had before juz now, and to me, i had 2. but both also not official wan.

We've never met each other before, we met in the internet. Please don't say I'm lifeless or a geek cuz I'm virtually having a relationship with a people INSIDE the computer cuz I'm not.

I know it sounds like this to all of you but trust me, you will have that thought vanished from your head once you experience it. I know its silly but during that time, both of us are really true about the relationship,we even put so much efforts to create miracles..

So when people start asking me how many ex(s) I had before, I really don't know how to answer.
I used to say "Yes, I had two before" but when they started asking questions like, "Have you guys hold hands before? Have you guys kissed each other or go out dating before?"

I feel so awkward and shameful when it comes to questions like that.
Its either I'll say no or I'll just say yes to avoid any other unecessary questions.
The fact is, we have never hold hands before, never met with each other before.
But both of us can cry over problems that we faced in our relationships, heart ache each time we both mention about breaking ups.
Its not as easy as you thought. They are not robots and they need love and want to love others too..
We just met each other in the wrong place..

During our convo just now, I said "No,I don't have any ex(s) before."
That is the time where I'm being so honest to myself and yet so unfair to my exs.
They acknowledged its existence but Im just being in the state of denial. T.T

So they were asking me why don't I have any ex before.
Its not that nobody likes me, I do have some friends around me are having some feelings towards me.
But I can clearly identify their flaws and good points immediately.
And most of the time their flaws tend to cover over their good points and thats why I'm still single until today.
I admit I'm very,very choosy. So if I have chosen you, be glad that you are the one.You even have to pray God liao wtf..

I have friends around me, had around 4-5 exs before already and I have none!
They're like soooooo easily accept someone and so fast can get a bf wan!!
Reasons is I am so afraid of getting hurt.
I've been hurt so so so so so deep by my so called first ex already.
Second ex is the best, we're still best friends until now. And I really appreciate that. :)

Back to last time, I can cry whenever I mentioned about his name in front of my sister. I can cry even I'm having classes in the lab or wherever. I can cry anytime anywhere whenever I thought about him.
I was so weak and vulnerable.
I was so childish last time...
I just simply accepted him as my first 'bf' and ended up getting so hurt and literally never believe in true love anymore.
Never believe in happily ever after that always happen in fairy tales. Never love others like I've never been hurt.
I know it sucks and I've tried to forget about the scars and let the bygones be bygones and try accepting others but I just can't do it T_______T

Frankly,I am so afraid of getting hurt..
I am so protective over myself..
I don't let people that I'm not familiar with get close to me.
According to some horoscope readings, Leo people really scared to get hurt. They would rather DON'T LOVE at all, than to get hurt in relationships..
And I am a typical Leo girl.

I really hope that someday, there's someone which can make me feel so damn secure, feel so sweet, feel so warm, feel like its actually so happy falling in love.
And actually made me feel like he's the one for the rest of my life...

I believe there's this day, and I never give up waiting for it... =)

And I hope all of you do the same too. One fine day your dream guy or girl will appear..

Labels: Silly Thoughts