Posted Friday, December 17, 2010 // 0 comments (+)I have this fear of being alone. Maybe its because of the fact that I was born as a triplets.
No matter where I go, I will definitely has companion. When I was in kindergarten, I have my brother and sister. That lasted until secondary school. After form 5. After I actually grew until I'm kinda..... lil bit of an adult.
Right after I entered uni everything changed. My brother went to matrics alone, I wonder if he can get used to being solitary at the beginning phase of his enrollment, before he starts making any new friends.
And Kristy and I got luckier, we entered MMU together, stay together. What a bless.
And its finally the time to choose our right path, to choose our career, to choose our interest. And eventually, I chose Accounting and she chose Engineering.
During the very first moments of our separations, we're both not used to it. Of course, last time we always have each other as companion wherever we go, even to the toilet. Have tons of friends surrounding you every moment of your life. Right now? We have to go our separate ways. We went to different venues for classes, different times for classes. Totally different. But on the other side, we got a lil bit of excited, that we finally have the chance to be independent!
And until now, the 3rd year of my tertiary education, I've gotten a lil bit more used of it. But not as used to those who are already solo since they're young because they do not have any same-aged siblings. So even if I'm in 3rd year already, sometimes I still feel emo over the fact that I'm alone. I realize I desperately need friends, desperately need companion, just like the older days, just like the usual 18 years before.
But that's just not going to happen, and I accepted that fact. I ain't blaming, this is natural and it has to get going. Sometimes when I have no friends to go class with me, I'll choose to skip the class (very high possibility) because I can't stand sitting in the lecture class for 2 hours straight without talking to anyone. That's just too quiet. So I chose to skip that class.
And talking bout gyms, if there's a will, there's a way. I know. I can't possibly be forcing people around me to go gym with me all.the.time. because they might have classes, they might feel tired, they might not be interested in gym. And its all left to me, to do it alone if I really want to.
I'm really not very used to being alone. Really really not used to. But as I grow, I know that I have to get over this matter no matter how hard it gets. When I'm working outside, I'll be finding work alone. What if I got the chance to go overseas to study alone as well? Won't I be more worried about friends? Alone in middle of no where, where you will definitely get lost among all the new faces.
Growing up makes so much differences. Sometimes you just can't say '' how I wish time can rewind. :( I duwan to be alone.'' No you just can't say that already. Time for me to grow up, and stop whining. Time for me to accept the fact that I am growing as the clock ticks, and accept the fact that changes are mandatory and you can't say no to that. Letting off all the grudges and..... Like what the books said, ''Being adult doesn't mean you have to be negative.''
I seriously salute those people who manage to go class alone, go gym alone, do everything solo because in their mind, being solo is something normal to them, and they have their own bigger dreams to concentrate about instead of this matter. I really salute that. That is what successful grown-ups do right?
Lol what a serious post this is I'm writting in the middle of my late night studies! Hope you guys realize something out of it, and goodnight. :)
Search this blog